Jake grew up in Winamac, Indiana. He has 24 kids, 8 ex-wives.
When he is not building the fastest rocket ship in the known galaxy, Jake likes to ride mechanical bulls and dream of world domination.
He has recently started a horse repair shop. Jake has also mastered the ancient Scottish martial art of "Fuk-U!!" taught by Billy Zabka (the only Karate Kid).
Life Goal: To Own and operate a Camaro Dealership in the Bahamas.
Actor: John Phillip Stamos
Food: Mac and Cheese
Beer: Abita Strawberry Lager
Car: 1970 1/2 Camaro Gun Metal Grey
Cartoon: Duck Tales
Nick name: Marshmallow
(because when there is a sweet potato pie close by, He's on top of it.)
When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues. You just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what Ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: “Have ya paid your dues, Jack?”
“Yessir, the check is in the mail.”
Jake has been my best friend since 6th grade. One day, he was walking me home and it was getting dark. As we passed Barron Elementary, these two guys walked up and tried to get us to buy joints from them. The joints looked like Capri cigarettes with the filter ripped off. We both said, "No," and kept walking.
The guy holding the joint said, "Bust his head."
The other guy said, "Which one?"
The first guy said, "The ugly one!" and pointed at me. I got a hard slap on the back of my head and we kept walking.
So, everytime Jake called me stupid I told him "No, I'm ugly, remember?!"
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